Growing up again....

All Grown up and Ready to Live

How many times did I think as a kid "when I grow up I'm going to...." or When I grow up I'll never do that!"

How many times have I told my kids  "As you grow up, you'll do....."

I guess I've always seen "growing up" as an end all and be all.

Lately I've really been feeling the quietness of my life and not liking the loneliness that comes with it. I'm currently torn between two lifestyles: One that's busy with kids and school and taxiing, and the other one is slower, which leaves me with time on my hands!  The time I've always yearned for so that I could finish all those undone projects!  With a heavy sigh I complained "why is always me that has to accept the changes Lord?" 

I was pondering today on the life changing events of my life and how I've had to grow up because life was changing all around me and every time I endured the "growing pains" and managed to adjust to a new way, BAM! another event challenged my maturity and grown up status.  "Why do I always have to be the one to share what's mine? Why do I always have to be the nice one when things don't go right?" 

I'm almost half way to 100 and a grandmother, yet what am I pouting about? First it was sharing my kids, now its about sharing my grand kids! Their my grand kids too! It's just not fair!

And as I walked the beautiful San Diego Bay and the tears of frustration wanted to roll out I just couldn't see anyway around this new adjustment in my life.  If I wanted peace of mind and peace with my kids so that I could occasionally  see my grand kids I would have to accept my place in their parents lives and work with whatever I was handed and make the most of it.  

This place in my life today reminds me of those many other "growing pains" I've had to endure and I remember how very much I hated the process! You would think that life and emotions would get easier with age.